The Shifting Landscape of Friendship

Lately I’ve been thinking about the meaningful relationships in my life, and feel deeply grateful for them. That gratitude has me considering what makes these connections fulfilling now. They feel different from earlier decades.

Looking back across a lifetime of friendships, waves of nostalgia, clarity, and curiosity rise — along with the faint simmer of long‑buried anxiety that once accompanied the delicate work of forming them.

Forming friendships has always felt like a careful process. For years, I thought that not having them meant something was wrong with me. Looking back, that pressure only made me overthink connections.

The essence of what I consider friendship has changed. Earlier, being accepted was my threshold. I was never the extroverted girl with boundless, contagious energy. I was quieter in new environments, learning early to remain in the background and observe until I felt ready to be vulnerable. Being accepted made me feel normal.

Reading this stirs sadness for my younger self, but I’m reminded that this way of being became an invaluable skill throughout my career. It served its purpose, but its time has passed.

Friendships That Reflect Change

Having lived with this default pattern for so long, my approach to friendships feels different now. I’m no longer driven by pressure or anxiety but by choice and alignment. 

There is a lightness that comes with trading effort for ease. What matters now isn’t proving myself, but finding friendships that feel natural. 

Friendships formed through shared interests, passions, and experiences unfold with ease and authenticity. There is no longer a need to wait and observe because vulnerability feels safe. When I let go of the fear, connection happens simply by being myself – without hesitation, just being.

Not all friendships have continued. There have been friends who were with me during major life events and yet are no longer here. Some endings were unexpected, others chosen, and some simply faded. As we grow, needs and values change; when they no longer align, friendships don’t remain.

But there are also friendships that formed when I didn’t expect them. Gifts that feel like part of the evolution of life. 

Thinking about that earlier version of me, I see how different I am today. Emotional moments often lack clarity or understanding. Time and distance can provide a different perspective. I needed those friendships then, and they helped me grow. I was a different person.

Roots That Still Hold Me

Sometimes I think about what would be different if I had taken this approach from the beginning. I wonder how different I — or my life — might have been. But these thoughts don’t linger. They are replaced with feelings of warmth. 

Friends I’ve had for decades — witnesses to earlier versions of me — continue to welcome me with open arms, every version of me.

These friendships evoke different feelings. A mixture of nostalgia and gratitude for the crazy antics of teenage girls, the more adventurous leading the cautious, and all of us laughing at the many memories.

These friendships have ebbed and flowed over the decades. And yet, there is a comfort knowing when we need support, there is no doubt that we will have it. Each of us has had changing needs and we’ve all adjusted to each other — for each other.

Layers of Connection

Not all friendships are the same. Some have held my deepest truths and others have been lighter, more distant. Not all friendships are meant to be everything — each has its purpose.

Friendships span a spectrum, each adding to my happiness and gratitude. The differing perspectives give me both the freedom to be vulnerable and the luxury of layered connection.

Choosing Connection Today

Today’s slower pace gives me space for intentional choice. Some friendships today feel like home — the ones shaped by near‑daily conversations, shared silliness, and the kind of trust that makes vulnerability feel natural. These are the friendships that meet me exactly where I am now. 

When I meet with friends, whether for coffee, a call, or dinner, I am immersed in the moment — sharing experiences, reflecting on where life has taken us and where we are heading. Every interaction is a gift, a reminder of the luxury of choice. Friendships accept the current version of me — the version that is Becoming Me Again.

🌱Becoming Me Again — one step, one story at a time.